A Letter to My Sons: Promise me kindness

Dear Alexandre, Dear Sam,

The other day a few boys not much older than you did a horrible thing to someone. While sitting in their school bus, they insulted, ridiculed, and taunted a 68 year-old school bus monitor until she cried. The whole thing was captured on another boy’s cellphone camera and uploaded to YouTube.

It’s painful to watch the video. The woman stays quiet for the most part until finally she can’t hold herself back and tells the children how painful it is to have them say these bad things to her. She is not angry, she is just hurting. In some ways the woman reminded me of Grandmaman. Maybe it was the way she sat quietly, head held high and trying to ignore the words she was hearing. I was reminded that the only time I ever saw your Grandmaman cry was when someone else hurt her with words.

People who saw the video have expressed their shock but have also expressed their sympathy and emptied their pockets, eager to help the woman and give her money. I’m sure she is overwhelmed by the support she has received since the incident took place. However comforting that is, the words spoken can never be taken away, and she’ll probably remember them forever.

In some ways this incident brings out the worst and best in all of us. I know you’ve been bullied and it hurts. I was bullied as well when I was a kid, sometimes because I had an English name in a French school, other times I really don’t know why – some kids just picked on me. There was one time when two older kids in high school beat me up as my friends looked on. My friends were probably shocked at what was happening, so I can’t really blame them for just looking and not doing anything. It didn’t last long either; I was beaten up and left on the ground in less than a minute. But still, when you’re being bullied, it’s nice to know someone’s going to come and help you out.

When I think of the kids who insulted the woman on the bus, I wonder why the boy taking the 10-minute video didn’t say at one point, “Stop.” It’s great that so many people have seen the video, and I hope it raises awareness about bullying, how kids can sometimes be incredibly cruel without remorse, and how badly we sometimes treat our elders. But there wouldn’t have ever been a video if the boy with the cellphone or anyone else had told the other kids to stop. Scream stop, tell the bus driver what’s going on, sit next to the woman and defend her, tell her it’s OK and those hurtful words mean nothing. Just do something.

The kindness we have – and I have to still believe that every one of us has some kindness in our hearts – can’t be silenced by our fear of the consequences from standing up for someone else. It doesn’t matter if it’s a stranger or someone you know, when you see a person being hurt by others, just act. Do something to change the situation. Think of what any superhero would do. People are about to be hurt; does Batman or Iron Man pull out their cellphone to record the incident? No, they don’t even think twice, they just do something to stop it. I know they’re only comic book characters, but their appeal lies in a deep-rooted fantasy that we should be more like them. Strip away the Bat-gizmos and flying suits of armor, they act because it’s the right thing to do. Promise me you’ll unleash your kindness if ever you see someone being hurt. That’s all anyone should ever do.

Je t’aime Alexandre, je t’aime Sam,

Daddy

A letter to my sons: one friend’s sacrifice

Dear Alexandre, Dear Sam,

After the battle at Hogwart’s Castle in the final Harry Potter novel, there comes a point when Harry chooses to confront Lord Voldemort on his own in the forest. He knows he will likely die, but it’s a decision he feels he must take because too many of his friends have suffered and died protecting him. Harry makes the ultimate sacrifice, and for a brief time, we do think he has died.

I have a friend who is making a sacrifice that is not all that different than what Harry chose to do. He has seen his friends, family and people he does not know suffer as a result of fighting for their rights. He himself was arrested, tortured, and sentenced to life in prison last year only because he asked for these rights. His sentence was unfair and criticized the world over, yet still he remains in jail. About a couple of months ago he came to a decision that would, in one way or another, end his sentence: he would either be set free or die. He chose to stop eating, and has not eaten anything for the past 76 days. The people who put him away have no intention of letting him go.

He did nothing wrong. Like me, he has fought for the rights of others, but he has done so in a country where human rights are selectively applied: some people have rights, while others who protest against the government risk getting arrested, hurt by the police, killed or sent to prison.

There are a lot of people in his country, Bahrain, who are trying to set him free. His wife, his daughters, his friends and former colleagues have all tried to let the world know that his life sentence is unfair. And he’s not the only one: many other people are also facing the same fate as him, all because they demanded the government to respect the rights of the people living there.

It’s hard to imagine that something like this can actually be true. This is the kind of stuff Lord Voldermort would do to Harry Potter and his friends. The only difference is that this is real, and there won’t be anyone around to wave a magic wand and zap my friend free. The people in Bahrain asking for my friend’s freedom are not alone: millions of people around the world are asking for his release. Lots of people from human rights organizations want him set free. Their appeals for his freedom are always ignored.

My friend is a stubborn man. He has said that his hunger strike will be “freedom or death,” and I know he means it. He’s playing a game of chicken with his government, and he won’t give up. If they don’t release him, he will die. It’s been hard for me to accept this, but I realize he’s doing this for greater freedom of the people of Bahrain. He is an unwilling hero, and he is prepared to sacrifice his life to let the world know that his government is committing human rights violations and doesn’t care what anybody thinks. I feel for him, I feel for his family. And I’m filled with anger and sadness at the plight my friend is in. No one should have to suffer like this. The decision to go on his hunger strike was his own, but the conditions that led him to do this were created by mean-spirited people in positions of power who are afraid of him. What they don’t realize is that, even if he does die, others who believe in the same things as he does will continue his struggle. One way or another, there will be a day in Bahrain where everyone has the same rights. I just don’t want my friend to pay the highest price imaginable for that day to be a reality.

I’m sorry I wrote a letter that isn’t uplifting – some days are harder than others to find happiness.

Je t’aime Alexandre, je t’aime Sam.

Daddy

A Letter to My Sons: Three Questions

Dear Alexandre, Dear Sam,

Last week I spoke to some university students about poverty. Only a few students showed up, but when I think back to my days at university, I probably wouldn’t have gone to any talk about poverty. As I struggled to think of what to say to them, I thought back to a book Mommy read to you a couple of years ago: The Three Questions. In the book, a young boy goes on a journey to find answers to three questions. He finds the answers he needs by meeting friends along his journey.

These are the questions the boy asks:

Do good for the person next to you, now. That’s it.

When is the best time to do things?
Who is the most important one?
What is the right thing to do?

As he nears his journey’s end, one of his friends offers these answers: “Remember then that there is only one important time, and that time is now. The most important one is always the one you are with. And the most important thing is to do good for the one who is standing at your side. For these, my dear boy, are the answers to what is most important in this world.”

I never thought of these three questions before reading this book – at least not the way the boy asked them. By the time I finished university, the question I asked myself – which I never really shared with anyone – was “Is this all there is?” And by “this” I basically meant the life I was leading and the purpose I had for being on this earth. The answer was simple enough: “No.” But that kind of answer didn’t tell me what I should be doing.

I found some answers to what I should be doing by seeing more of the world. As I began to travel I realized that there was so much of the world that lived a harder life than mine. Before traveling, I’d seen images of poor people on TV, but that was the extent of the poverty I faced. The more I learned about the world, the more I realized not everyone went to school, not everyone lived in a nice house, not everyone had enough food to eat, not everyone had enough clean water to drink, not everyone was healthy, not everyone felt safe and secure.

The more I saw of the world, the more I hurt. The more I thought of that question – Is this all there is? – the more I felt I should do something. Like the boy in the story, I learned that the time to do things was right now. Not later, not when I felt like it, not when the world would get better because it wasn’t. There was no waiting, it was just now. As for the answer to the boy’s second question: “the most important person is always the one you are with.” The one next to you. Nowadays many people will tell you that the world is a lot smaller. Our phones, computers, airplanes, and other technology have brought many of us closer together. If this is the case, then isn’t it true that the person “next to you” can be anyone in the world? The answer to the third question is to “do good for the one who is standing at your side.” In an increasingly smaller world, this means you can do good for anyone, anywhere.

But there comes a point when you have to make choices. I decided long ago to try to help people in many places, and that’s what still takes me away from you. Before leaving a few days ago, you asked again, “Why do you have to leave?” Leaving you is hard for me, harder than you can imagine. But as much as my love for you compels me to stay home and be with you all the time, the same three questions the young boy asks himself are always on my mind. The answers to the boy’s questions also compel me to “do good,” or at least try to help others. Whether you “do good” by teaching kids in school like Mommy, or by becoming a Lego Master or a rock star/dog babysitter like you want to be one day, you end up making others happy, and you’ll make a difference in this world.

Je t’aime Alexandre, Je t’aime Sam.

Daddy